Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Waiting to try again


I just found out that my former roommate's best friend from high school is 8 months pregnant. I had NO idea and I'm even friends with her on facebook! She and her husband ALSO got married around the time we got engaged. I guess it's the whole 2006 thing, since she hasn't been married for very much longer than I have. I don't know why things like this are so upsetting, since I honestly have no desire to be pregnant again anytime soon, but I'm still happy for her (and the others). I know it won't always be like the three weeks I knew about it, but it was miserable! I don't even know why I have no desire for it; a lot of miscarriage survivors (is there a better way to phrase that?) want to try again RIGHT AWAY. I do NOT want to try at all; maybe since we weren't even "trying" to begin with. Now, TWO of my friends are worried that I don't want it at all or that I think it'll never happen, and I don't want them to worry about me. I do want it, just not any time soon. I keep trying to think of the 'what-ifs' What if I get pregnant again right off the bat? What if THAT'S a miscarriage too? What if it's not? I just can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of going through a pregnancy again, let alone a miscarriage again. Not to mention all the other things I'd like to get done first. I'm still confused and frustrated. I'm glad they care about me, but I don't want people to worry that I think it'll never happen. I'm just even more okay with it not happening for a while now.



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