Monday, January 12, 2009

What it's like to be pregnant after multiple miscarriages

What she says:

Pregnancy, for those of us who’ve had the misfortune of experiencing recurrent pregnancy losses (RPL) is not actually a happy time. In fact, the number one emotion I recall experiencing with my last pregnancy was anxiety. Constant, never ending anxiety. Anxiety when you open your eyes first thing in the morning, anxiety throughout the day, anxiety when you try to sleep at night. Anxiety that builds and builds and builds and in my case has even resulted in panic attacks. I think I speak for all women who’ve suffered the misfortune of RPL, that the level of anxiety increases with the number of pregnancies lost.

As sick as it may sound, the only relief I’ve had from the terrible anxiety has come in the form of a miscarriage. Miscarriage I know, miscarriages I know what to expect and what to do, I know how it happens, I know the signs of it happening and as soon as its been confirmed I feel…….. resigned relief….. sick I know, but I feel a sense of resigned relief at not having to live with the constant anxiety that eats away at my mind every second of every day that I carry a pregnancy. My anxiety was so out of control with my last pregnancy that I’ve already arranged with my RE that the second I get my positive result I’ll be going on some safe anxiety medication for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Now I know what the non-RPL’ers will say, just relax. Stay calm, don’t get yourself so worked up. But everyone who’s suffered RPL will tell you, relaxing is impossible. EVERYTHING is terrifying. Every mile stone in the pregnancy achieved is frightening. My first reaction on seeing the two lines on a pee stick is crying. I immediately get this overwhelming sense of foreboding and anxiety and I can’t stop crying. Then we face the next hurdle, the blood test, once you’ve passed the first blood test its the agonizing wait for the second and third blood tests, analysing the HCG counts with each and everyone. Squeezing your boobs constantly, wondering why they’re so sore? Is it because of the pregnancy or because of your constant poking and prodding. Convincing yourself that they’re not as sore as they were the day before and hence a miscarriage is imminant. Going for the first scan………. God scans terrify me, I’ve never had a good one. They’ve always been bad and so for me scans will always be terrifying.


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141 comments:

  1. Pretty powerful stuff. Her thoughts definitely echo my own. After our third loss, we are trying to decide if we can weather this storm once again. The statistics our doc provided give us a 50/50 chance of carrying a pregnancy to term. Am I a betting woman? Can I make it through another loss? Can I live with the almost crushing weight of that anxiety for the better part of a year? *sigh*

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  2. Yeah, me too. It's like you are in some terrible "semi-pregnant" limbo for months and months, only you can't even drink to relieve the stress!

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  3. Oh my god, I feel like I could have written that. Somebody has justifed my feelings. Thank you for making me feel normal!

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  4. Hits close to home.

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm also an RPL'er... and no one I know understands what I go through on a daily basis. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. I'm grateful, at least, to find comforting words from strangers on the web. Best of luck to you in your journey.

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  6. Perfectly said. It's so difficult when other friends say "I had a miscarriage, they're really common", as they hold their other children in their arms. However, they have no idea what is like to have multiple miscarriages AND no children. They can at least take comfort in the fact knowing that they have a child....

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  7. I am pregnant again and face horrible anxiety as described here. I was really okay because I made it past the point where I had my last miscarriage. Then I had two days where my breast stopped hurting followed by intense cramps like I get before my period. I am trying to stay positive, but I have panic attacks everytime I sleep. I worry about having a miscarriage because of the increased stress. I am on anti-anxiety meds already. I called the OB and they are letting go in tomorrow for an early ultrasound. I pray for you all.

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  8. I've just had my 12th miscarriage and oh wow that sums up how I feel and cope .I constantly squeeze my boobs to check they are still sore, everytime I wee I say a mantra of "please no blood,please no blood" and the strangest thing is when i do start to bleed I start to feel more positive ( something i've never admitted to anyone)..had all the tests done,I do everything right when i'm pregnant but still can't do what it seems everyother woman can
    feeling a failure is natural to me now

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  9. I found out i am pregnant again yesterday after 3 miscarriages, I wanted the lines so much and now i have them I feel empty. I'm waiting for it all to happen again. I feel like all of you feel, and never think any body understands, thank you ladies for making me feel normal. I dont know where this pregnancy will take me or how far we will get but good luck to you all.

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  10. I too just found out I am pregnant after 3 miscarriages and it does feel like a waiting game. How long will this one last? It's unfortunate that we have been robbed of being able to enjoy this time or feel "normal." Yet, I want to be excited and begin the planning process. What a rollercoaster!

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  11. I just found out I am pregnant again after 8 miscarriages. I understand the anxiety, but now I feel Ive become numb. I am aprox 5wks 1day, but I am afraid to be hopeful. I almost feels like its not reel, this time I havent changed my eating habits or done anything radical, of course I quit drinking but some days it feels like why. This is absolutely an emotional rollercoaster. Every twinge, or pain, or anything feels like Ok I guess thats it. I got my second HCG level back and my levels doubled in 2 days which is good but I have only ever made it past 6 weeks 1 time, so I just dont know how to feel.

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    1. I just found out we are on our 5th miscarriage. We do not have any children yet and for me I have lost hope. I've had all thr blood work done and everything comes back normal so they just day it's bad luck. It'd the worst thing to hear. I've told my husband I'm done trying. I'm 35 years old and I can't bare it anymore

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  12. Hi, I just had my third miscarriage. I understand the anxiety and the pain. During my last pregnancy, I was scared all the time..when I went to pee, when I woke up...there was a constant tension and a question - will my baby be able to make it? ANd, it didnot happen..it was soo sudden. I am scared of the Scans and the conclusion - there is NO heartbeat !!

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  13. I am now suffering the loss of another baby. I have had 3 comfirmed miscarriages and 2 more possible losses. The latest just happend today and the one before that was less then 4 months ago. I'm so sad right now. I can barely breathe but what makes this so much worse is that I'm totally alone in this. I told my husband and he said he was sorry and that was the end of his support. He actually seems irritated that I'm sad. He just caught me crying and actually asked me what was wrong. I told him I was sad and he said maybe I should go to bed. I also have to go on a trip tomorrow as a chaperone with my church youth group. Which is the last thing I feel like doing right now. He actually had the nerve to say that at least I get to go out of town and leave all my problems behind. What is wrong with him? Does he not realize that all I want to do right now is to lay with him and cry while he rubes my hair and tells me he loves me. Instead I'm sitting by myself crying and writing my feeling to strangers because if I hold it in I'll scream. Why doesn't he care? I know I've had miscarriages before but it doesn't get easier. If anything it's so much worse each time. I feel like a failure and such sadness and emptiness. I feel like death. I feel likey heart is going to explode and that maybe God doesn't think o deserve a baby and that's why he keeps taking my babies. I just don't know if I can get past this hurt and anger. I don't think I can forgive him for not being here for me. He won't look at me or touch me. I'm scared that maybe it's him that can't forgive me. After all it's MY body that's killing our babies.

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    1. My heart goes out to you, i think ur amazing!!! Don't ever say ur killing ur babies, ur not!! but u can't hate urself and ur not a failure, ur a strong woman and I am so sorry for ur losses. I had a recent miscarriage and I have no children, so I feel ur Pain. if u wanna chat email me on: rdt2006@hotmail.co.uk

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    2. I am so sad reading your story. I have had one miscarriage, and I thought I would never be able to be happy again, or want to try again. You are very brave and strong! you are not a failure! I hope your husband can realize what pain he is causing you! I pray that you can grieve the way you need and get all the support you need! I am now realizing you wrote this several years ago. I hope you have had some happy years and good things have come for you. Remember, you never killed your babies, as well as neither did any of us!

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    3. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband & I have just recently had a 4th miscarriage and we have no children. There are some days when I feel so alone and sad inside. I wonder if or when it will happen for us. There has been a definite times of strain on our marriage...we still hope and pray for a baby in the future.

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    4. I am in exactly the same boat..my husband and I are just going through our 4th loss. This was the hardest yet- I had to have a laparoscopy as well as a D&C as they suspected it was an ectopic. It's like a game of Snakes and Ladders...you think you are on your way to parenthood and then it's game over and you are back to square one again except you are worse off than before as you have to wait all those weeks to heal enough to start trying again! I wish you a healthy and speedy recovery and all the courage and optimism you need to get through this bleak time. Let's hope that the next attempt will be lucky for all of us xx

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  14. I just found out today that I'm pregnant again. I've had 4 miscarriages, two of them occurred in the 2nd trimester. I'm not happy at all, I feel no joy or excitment, only stress, confusion and even anger. I wasn't trying to get pregnant-I had given up. Now I feel like I'm trapped in a recurring nightmare that won't go away. My husband wants me to be happy, he's thinks this time will be different-I know he's trying to be supportive but he just doesn't understand how I feel. I told him the sooner I have a miscarriage the better, he looked so shocked and sad. I know it sounds horrible but it's truly how I feel.

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  15. I am 27 years old and I have had 3 miscarriages since 2006. There has been about a year between each because of the fear and anxiety of conceiving again and having it end in a m/c. My husband and I have had chromosome analysis done on both of us and results are normal. I have had numerous blood tests done to find a cause, but all tests say that I am perfectly healthy. No one can give us any answers. I feel the same all of you do. As soon as I get pregnant, I think, "how long will it last this time?" I have had positive ultrasounds (with a heartbeat) with each pregnancy...only to show no growth and no heartbeat 2 weeks later. I have not had any signs of miscarriage with any of my pregnancies...no cramping, bleeding, etc. Each time I have had a D&C, which made the recovery process even longer.
    I too am tired of the stress and anxiety that comes with each positive pregnancy test. But I still hold out hope that this one will be the keeper...Good luck to all of you!

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  16. I've spent many years living with RPL and in all suffered the loss of 7 very wanted pregnancies- i have also endured fertility treatment and am currently 18 weeks pregnant following IVF- I pray every day for my Little one, asking that he/she is healthy and that my body can provide everything that they need- I am constantly knicker checking and reading into every twinge- a friend has leant me a fetal doppler which I ration myself to using only twice a day- My friends keep telling me ' relax' 'you've made it past 12 weeks!' needless to say these are friends with children and no history of rpl.
    I just hope soooo much that this is our time.

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    1. Hello!!! How your pregnancy did turm? Blessing to you!

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  17. I know this has been said so many times before on this blog, but it is so nice to be able to vent to people who understand. I've had three very early chemical pregnancies three months in a row and I'm so terrified of that positive line. 4 of my good friends are pregnant right now and none of them have ever had a miscarriage. They always tell me that 'at least you know you can get pregnant'...but they don't understand that getting pregnant and losing it feels worse than not being able to get pregnant. Because I know it's my body that's failing, My body that's killing our children. It's so hard to look at them, being happy and excited, I'm so jealous and I know you're not supposed to envy others but I cannot help it. It almost makes me want to hate them when they complain about their morning sickness or the fact they're gaining weight...what I would do to suffer anything if only it meant I could be a mom. I would give anything to be a mother. I wish all of you the best of luck. May God bless us all with a baby very soon.

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  18. It is nice to hear that I am not alone with my current feelings. I recently found out I am pregnant after experiencing 2 miscarriages. My previous miscarriages took place at 10 and 9 weeks, so I have a few more weeks until this intense anxiety may cease. I want to be happy, but I want to protect myself, in the case that there is anyother miscarriage. I am upset that what should be a joyous moment, is overshadowed with anxiety, stress and extreme fear.

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  19. Wow,exactly how i feel, i'm turning 30 this year which adds a little more anxiety to my already long list. Yeah, is feels nice that i'm not alone in this but still. I still think that i'm a failure. A major failure. Maybe i'm gonna be a terrible mother so that is why i'm a RPL. Who knows? sobs T_T

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  20. Thank you for this blog. I often feel so alone in all of this. My friends that have had one miscarriage seem so dramatic and upset about it, taking days off work, having funerals for their baby. I feel so terrible that I minimize thier loss, as I know it is no easy one. Friends try to relate to me, but there is no relating on my end. If I took a day off work for everytime I miscarried, I'd be in serious trouble. I've had five miscarriages over the last year and a half, and am now pregnant again. I can only hold my breath, and wonder, as so many of you have, how long will this last? It makes me cry thinking what a wonderful father my husband will make. It makes me frustrated knowing that we are so ready to provide for a family, emotionally, financially, in every way possible. We are two healthy, positive, athletic people. Will this ever happen for us?

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  21. My husband and I have already had 2. We live on post so it seems like every woman is pregnant. When i see them it literally sometimes drives me to tears. I want a baby so bad I cant stand it. I feel like a huge failure every time I get my period. It has gotten so that I am afraid to tell him when I do because I dont want to disappoint him so bad. I dont understand why us and am beginning to think it is punishment for something but I cant think of what I could have done to deserve such torture.

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  22. As an RPL'r that is now in the very early stages of pregnancy... I can realte to everything you said.
    And I also have the added stress from any result not being good enough. Yep my HCG is doubling in under 48 hours, so - doesn't mean I wont lose this pregnancy. HCG is very high - doesn't mean I wont lose this pregnancy.
    There are so many mini milestones to overcome before we get anywhere near accepting this pregnancy may actually procude a healthy, live child.
    Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one who feels like this.

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  23. Thank you for making me feel that I'm NOT alone. I have had 3 miscarriages in four years. Im 38 and I'm slowly trying to convince myself that I may never be a mum.
    Sometimes I feel like an outsider among other women and friends with kids. It is heartbreaking.
    Please, be strong.

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  24. I've only had 2 miscarriages, so my experience is quite different from the commenters who have had 8 or 12 losses. My heart goes out to them.

    But, I can say that this post is not the only way to feel after suffering miscarriages. Not that it's wrong to feel super anxious, I just want women to know that it's not inevitable to be so anxious that you need meds.

    Even after my 1st loss, I told people early on that we were expecting again. More announcements= more support with a miscarriage instead of feeling so sad and alone & not being able to explain why to anyone. Keeping it secret perpetuates the taboo that miscarriage is shameful & should be kept secret.

    I also enjoyed shopping for maternity clothes early on. I was showing by the time I had my 2nd miscarriage (at 15 weeks) so I did wear some of the clothes. Some are still waiting to be worn. I just wanted all the more to cherish being pregnant early on... in case it didn't last.

    The 2nd miscarriage was 6 months ago. We are not trying to concieve yet, but hopefully we'll feel ready soon. Because I was far enough along that we saw & held the baby, we have grieved more deeply this time.

    I don't think with the next pregnancy I'll ever feel like there is a "guaranteed result". Something can always go wrong. Healthy full term babies suffer SIDS. However, you can decide to acknowledge risk without abandoning hope. Hold on to the hope you have. I grieve for the babies I lost, but I still hope for another. Truly grief & hope can co-exist.

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    1. I can relate to your post. After two live births, I suffered two losses in the first trimester. It was devastating. While I felt more anxiety the 2nd time, I finally allowed myself to acknowledge the pregnancy and love the baby no matter what. After my experience, I heard so many stories of losses. My heart goes out to all those who suffer loss. It is so difficult to understand and it really isn't for us to understand. I have two children who mean everything to me, and a very loving husband. I am blessed. I am pregnant again at 39. We will see what happens. I pray for you and hope that you and all those who hAve suffered grief and hope find happiness, joy and peace in this life.

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    2. It is so nice to read your posts... I have two living children but in the past three months have had a stillborn at 6 months pregnant followed by a miscarriage at 5 weeks pregnant. I am so incredibly thankful for my husband and two living kids, but it's been a roller coaster of emotions, and while I want so much to be pregnant again, I often wonder if all I will ever know is loss now. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

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  25. I am glad that I have come across this site. I thought for the longest time that I was crazy to feel relieved after my second miscarriage. The anxiety was driving me crazy, constantly checking for bleeding and making sure that my breasts still hurt only to know that a loss was coming once the bleeding started. Thank you and good luck!

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  26. Your stories are all so familiar. I am pregnant for the 5th time, having had 4 miscarriages in the last 3 yrs. I am 36 years old, overweight and scared out of my mind. I became pregnant by IUI and took Chlomid, Estrogen and am still taking progesterone suppositories. I confirmed the pregnancy with a blood test on Wednesday and my Hcg doubled by Friday. It was still only 60 and I am not due to go for another blood test. I have an ultrasound in 2 wks.

    It is important to be hopeful. My husband and I are trying not to make any plans for the future, like not really acknowledging the pregnancy is real. We all have to hold on and have faith that it will happen for all of us.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and helping us all know that we are not alone. Good luck to everyone!

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  27. I just read everyone posts and I can't help but cry....I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that feels this way,I am 34 years old and this is my 6th pregnancy (4 miscarriages) i have a 13 year old son and now am expecting twins....with my history it's so hard to enjoy the fact that I'm pregnant again. I don't allow myself to enjoy this because i don't want the attachment, that if it goes wrong then it's not as hard to deal with. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. I just take it day by day and try to live as normal as possible, if it's going to happen I know that it was nothing I did wrong. And hopefully in 7 months time I will get the chance to be a new mom again. Good luck to everyone!

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  28. I can relate to every comment on this site. I have had 2 miscarriages,at 13 wks and most recently 8.5 weeks. I am trying to stay positive for the future but am so worried and full of anxiety. I am meeting w/ a fertility specialist and hope to get pregnant and carry to full term. Best of luck to all of you.

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  29. I am 36 and just had my third miscarriage..this last one happened at 14 weeks and I'm wondering if somehow the anxiety caused the miscarriage in some way..someone please tell me I'm wrong because this thought is torturing me.

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  30. I tried to read the rest and it said that you removed the post. a little disappointed. you nailed the feelings right on and I even started to cry. I finally decided to look for other's personal accounts when dealing with multiple miscarriages. I am scared and I am trying my hardest to not allow this anxiety eat away at me.

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  31. I have had 4 miscarriages between7 and 9 weeks each time and am now 18 weeks pregnant also I am 42 so am an older expectant mother. It is the a very stressful time of my life like other posts i understand m/c i know what to expect and this time im out of my depth i have no idea if what im feeling is normal. I dont want to hound the hospital as a neurotic pregnant woman but in saying that i spend each day on tender hooks. Im afraid to get excited in case it all goes wrong but then as i havent felt any movement yet until i see another scan i feel like im tempting fate by looking positively into the future. We have told family and some friends and they are all excited but I feel outside on my own. None of them can understand my anxieties they just keep saying theres no reason to be negative and are all chat about the future. Its horrible as im the one who is pregnant and the only one who is not enjoying it. Hopefully at my 20 week scan I will begin to relax.

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    1. You fill me with hope! thanks for sharing your story. I'm also 42 and had 4 miscarriages after births of 2 boys in late 30s. I'm wondering how crazy it is to want to keep trying and hoping for one more successful pregnancy...

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  32. I am 39 and just went through my 3rd miscarriage. I do have 2 sons however, I feel like most moms on this blog. A baby lost is a lost still. No one child substitutes for another.It is wrong to assume that the feelings a less emotional after repeated m/c because of another child.

    I was dismissed after my second mc when I suggested blood work. My doctor suggested it was probably my age.

    What is different in my opinion is taking comfort in knowing that God has blessed you to see a child. I really desire for each mom on this blog to have an opportunity to carry to full term. Keep hope alive.

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  33. After four miscarriages, we are expecting again. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream etc. Not really sure what I should be feeling at this point. Lost the first at 9 weeks, second at 5 weeks, third at 8 weeks and the fourth at 6. I am currently 7 weeks and can't help but look for blood everytime I go to the restroom. Every ache and pain leads to me to think this is it.....we are done. I really hope that this one is the miracle baby....but I can't help to be skeptical. My husband doesn't want to try again if this fails so I feel it will be that much more devestating when/if it happens. :(
    Keep your fingers, toes, legs and eyes crossed.

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  34. I just found out I am expecting again after 6 miscarriages total (5 in a row). I could have written this. I just feel scared. Not happy. I know I should, but I have taught myself to detach from the situation. Seems like I will never hold an infant again.

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  35. I am 23yrs old and i've had 2 miscarriages, the first happened at 4wks6dys and the other happened at exactly 12wks Nov 9th '10 the day before my birthday, i thought what a birthday present. I must say that after my first preg i got preg again really quickly, and when i found out i was preg the pain, anxiety, and stress set in. When i past the losing marker of the first with the second i took a slight sigh of relief but i knew the pain didnt end there, but i still tried to think positively, then 8wks later my nightmare re-occured,after losing the baby, a few weeks later i lost my grandma, the only person that actually helped me to cope with all that i was going thru,since i lost the both of them i have been n the roller coster ride of unbarable depression, that i believe will cause me to crash at any moment, my fiance and i are openly trying to concieve again but it just hasnt happened as quickly this time,i have been in prayer and will not stop not even after i get pregnant and have a healthy baby bcuz prayers are good for the mind, body, and soul hopeful someone will find that helpful.

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  36. Thank-you for all your comments. I've been hear, too. Three mc in the last 14 months. I'm 39, and we're at 5w2d again. Praying it will not happen again, anxious every minute that it will. Thanking God that my wonderful husband is understanding and helping me get through this. Don't give up.

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  37. I'm so happy to have found this site - thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and letting me know that I am not alone! I feel so much better knowing that what I am feeling is normal. I am currently 7 weeks pregnant after suffering 4 miscarriages - one at 19.5 weeks and one at 16 weeks - I'm 40 years old so this will probably be my last pregnancy. I am hopeful but fully expect this to end in miscarriage - after all that's all I know - I am scared and anxious and find no joy in this at all. My friends and family are incredibly supportive but can't understand what this is like - I'm so glad that you all can! I'll keep all of you in my prayers . . .

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  38. Thank you everyone for making me not feel alone. I've had 5 miscarriages and feel I could have written this blog. Each time I get pregnant my husband gets excited and wants to tell people and I can't understand it. For the last two pregnancies I've told close friends and they've said congratulations and I've said "no, it's not good news until I'm holding a healthy baby in my arms". I've just found out today that I'm pregnant again but I don't even think I can tell my husband this time as I can't bare his excitement. I'm expecting to lose this one - I feel like I'm grieving already.

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  39. Thank you all.... This sounds so like me...I have had 3 miscarriages in 15 months and am currently 5 weeks pregnant again. The knicker checking, the fear of blood in the toilet, the change in symptoms from day to day. I am just waiting to lose this pregnancy too....someone here said that they are almost relieved when they miscarry as it is familiar and you know what to do when it happens. I agree totally. I am 35 in a weeks time and am dreading another childless birthday adding to my anxiety. The husband also does not know what to say or how to cope with the whole thing so he has buried his head firmly in the sand. 22 days and 1 hour until the 8 week scan (which we have NEVER made it to by the way)It is a long road between then and now. At least now I feel slightly more normal than before.

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  41. Just found out 5 days ago that I am pregnant. My husband and I are not expecting much and kind of pretending it is not real because we dread the thought of a 4th miscarriage. I never even thought I could get pregnant due to end-stage renal disease and transplant at the age of 15 (now 26). I am in the medical profession and know all the statistics so when we lost the 1st one, I consoled myself by thinking a lot of women have early miscarriages and it is very unlikely that it will happen again. After that, all I could think about was starting a family with my wonderful husband. It took about a year and we were so excited...it would be the first grandchild in both families and I thought that finally my life was getting started. It was a bittersweet pregnancy because both sides of the families freaked out and said I was not healthy enough (thinking Steel Magnolias), but I told them we had discussed it with my doctors and they said I was in a great position to have a baby. We never saw a heartbeat (no cramping or bleeding or any signs). The D & C was scheduled on Dec 21, 2009. It was an awful Christmas...I asked people to please give me any baby-like gifts they had already gotten because I was going to have a baby soon. After that, the obsession began. Charting and disappointment and tons of pregnancy tests. I finally got pregnant again and we saw a heartbeat! It was amazing to see the little flutter on screen. A week later, sitting in the waiting room (I was taking Progesterone supplements this time), I was fanning myself because I was sooo hot and nauseated. I turned to my husband and said, "at least I know I am still pregnant." The absence of that beautiful little flutter was obvious on the screen. I had to wait 2 weeks for the D & C because the doctor was going on vacation for Thanksgiving break with his family. Holidays are so wonderful, aren't they. Two months ago, I found out my friends got pregnant (they had decided to wait to try since they were moving soon) and then a week later I found out my husband's friend got some random one-night girl pregnant. I was devastated that all these people who weren't even trying and didn't want children right now were getting pregnant! So I told my husband I couldn't do it anymore...went and bought some vodka and attempted to get drunk. I also told him I was tired of saving money and planning and paying off debts quickly and wanted to spend some of our money....got a big screen tv and booked a cruise to carribbean (coming up in 3 weeks) and gave my notice to the job I hated. Picked up my birth control but wanted to wait to start it until after the cruise since I wasn't sure how it would make me feel. And then I noticed an absence of cramps and I was crying about really stupid things and was super tired. I keep telling my husband that we don't need to change any plans because it isn't going to happen and that I guess it is good timing because I won't have my period on the cruise. However, I will be bringing tons of pads and pain pills and heating pad on the cruise in case I do miscarry, although I have only had signs and symptoms of m/c during the 1st m/c. I go to the OBGYN 3 days before our cruise (should be ~7 weeks) and am not sure if I want to see a heartbeat or not.

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  42. i just read through these posts crying my eyes out. there ARE people out there who have been through what i have been through and feel the SAME things. i am 43 (will be 44 next month) and found out in february that we are expecting again (i am 9 weeks and 2 days today). we have had 5 pregnancy losses. missed miscarriage at 11.5 weeks (baby died at 10.5 weeks), etopic pregnancy, blighted ovum, trisomy 22 (girl) & chemical pregnancy. over these last 8 years of heartbreaking failures / experiences, all tests are normal. doctors chalk it up to bad luck (and age). with this pregnancy they are seeing me weekly, including weekly ultrasounds. it is almost more than i can take. the anxiety on the day of the appointments is nerve wracking. so far, with this pregnancy, all looks good, but my thoughts are EXACTLY as those you all have communicated. it felt good to just cry-it-out just now. that has been the trend with this pregnancy... the days of the appointments i just seem to mourn what i expect is going to be the "bad news today"... so when i DO (if i do) hear "there is no heart beat"... i will have already done my crying and i can just "be numb" which has become my 'specialty' in coping with all of these losses, at this point. love and hugs to all of you. what a difficult road we have traveled (and still travel).

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  43. Unbelievable! I, too thought no one else could possibly understand. I hope and pray for all of you. I sit here waiting. I had my second blood test yesterday just to find out there was no change. So I wait for the painful, labor-like cramping to come. I dread what is ahead. I have 2 healthy boys that were such easy pregnancies. I don't understand why I've now had 4 miscarriages and an etopic in the last 3 years. I decided years ago that when I turned 35 I'd be done. On my 35th birthday (4/7) I found out I was pregnant again. I had given up since it had been over a year since the etopic and then WOW! What a birthday present, I thought. I didn't let myself get too excited and grew very angry when the few people I told told others. Now I dread the looks, the stupid things people will say to make me feel better, the discomfort people feel being around me. I'm so comforted by this blog and so grateful to have found it. It gave me a good cry and release. I have become almost numb to it, but every now and then it hits me like crazy. I pray for all of you, all of us and thank you all for your stories.

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  44. As awful as this sounds, it's a relief to know that other women feel exactly the same way that I do. I've had 3 miscarriages so far and as I sit here now I suspect that I may be pregnant again. All I feel is fear. My first MC was relatively painless at 4.5 weeks. I wasn't even checked over by my GP afterwards. My 2nd was at 7 weeks and absolutely devastated me. My third MC ended in an ERPC at 13 weeks. I got all the way to the 12 week scan and on the morning of the scan I remember feeling a mixture of excitement and anxiety. I had suspected that something was wrong as my pregnancy symptoms has stopped abruptly at 10 weeks. The scan confirmed that the baby had died a couple of weeks before but for some reason, my body hadn't kicked in as usual which is why there wasn't a spontaneous MC. This time I was truly broken. The depressed feeling seemed to surround me for months and I still burst into tears at the slightest reference to my lost pregnancies. My family don't undersatnd. My sister tells me that the 1st MC doesn't count because I wasn't supposed to know I was pregnant and if I hadn't done the pregnancy test when I did, I would have thought the MC was just my period which means the next time I get pregnant I should see it as 3rd time lucky, not 4th time. She has no idea how hurtful her comments are to me. My mum says "at least you've never lost a proper living baby". Maybe it's me being sensitive but I just can't see how she expects that kind of comment to bring me comfort. It's as if I'm not allowed to grieve for my babies because they never actually took a breath. I know one thing for sure, if I am pregnant right now, I won't be telling my family straight away but I will be telling like minded ladies like yourselves because I know (or hope) that you guys will have the supportive words I need.

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  45. It almost seems redundant to post since my story is almost a carbon copy of these others. It is helpful to write down my feelings and to share a common bond with these women who have suffered.
    I had three normal pregnancies in my twenties and my youngest is the only one left at home. In spite of a troubled marriage, enjoyed their childhoods so much, because being a mom is all I ever really wanted. I was a single mom for almost ten years. I remarried two years ago and my husband is childless. Even though I was forty, I didn't think I'd have any problems, because I happen to work with two women who had babies in their 40s. One had a baby at 42 and another at 45, and the other had a baby boy at at age 47 with no fertility treatment!
    Unfortunately I have endured four miscarriages. One was only two days after a positive test. One at 7 weeks, one at 10 weeks and my last was forced after seeing no heartbeat and a five week fetal pole at 8 weeks. The first three began with spotting that lasted weeks before resulting in miscarriage. I only saw a heartbeat with the second one, but was already bleeding and miscarried 10 days later.
    Now I am 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant again. I didn't really try this time but was not using birth control. Once again I am checking for blood all day and worried because my belly feels tender as well as my breasts. I know from experience that even if I develop morning sickness, the baby could still be dead, only my body doesn't know it yet. I had been taking a DHEA supplement for months since research shows good results with older eggs, so that is the one thing giving me hope. Unfortunately, hope hurts. I try not to think of this as pregnancy at all, since pregnancy for me no longer means that I'm going to have a baby. I also feel that if I'm doomed to miscarry, the sooner the better. My husband is hopeful each time and I hate to let him down.
    One thing that no one else really mentioned here is the searching for signs that I do. I pray for an answer in the next song I hear on the radio. I ask God if this in the one that will survive and I open the Bible and point. Most results are vague and I end up trying to twist the words into what I want to hear.
    This time my husband is the only one who knows. I've kept it secret even from my children because I don't want to hurt or worry them again.
    I have been dreaming for so long to have a baby with my husband who shows me each day that he was meant to be a Dad. I feel ashamed that I am keeping him from that and I tell him he could have chosen a much younger woman since he is very good looking. He is supportive, but very quiet about this issue. He changes the subject when I talk about my fears.
    I know there are women who would tell me that I should be happy with the family I've already raised, and maybe they are right. My parents and several friends have told me to to give up and be thankful for what I have. They say that "If it was meant to be it would have happened." But if that is true then millions of babies shouldn't exist because what about all the success stories of women who kept trying?
    I feel like I shouldn't even pray for help because it didn't work the other four times.
    I wish I knew how it ended for the other women who posted here. I'd love to hear some happy endings!

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  46. Just read all these blogs and im sitting here in floods of tears, god bless you all my daughter is going through the same as most of you sending you all kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  47. I am the woman who posted on June 28th. Today is the 4th of July and my family plans on meeting tonight at the fireworks display in our small town. This morning with no warning at all I began bleeding slightly and I've had cramps. This time I'm not going to bother to call the doctor. I wish I'd never called to schedule an appointment to begin with when I figured it would end like this. I don't want to have to face the doctor and his kind staff with yet another failure and have to accept their well-meaning sympathy. I just want to have a miscarriage at home this time and not even go to the hospital. They never do more than monitor me. There isn't anything anyone can do when you are miscarrying at 6 weeks.
    When I started spotting the last four times I would put myself on bedrest. It only postponed the inevitable. This time I feel like doing jumping jacks to get it over with faster! This afternoon the bleeding has completely stopped, but I am not going to be fooled by this again. It has come and gone before and always this ends the same way.
    I am glad that this time no one but my husband knows I was pregnant at all.
    I feel like God has been telling me in every way possible that I will not have another baby at age 42. I feel like he is mad at me because I kept trying and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. This time I didn't really try, but I did let it happen and I was foolish enough to hope.
    Anyhow, it is helpful to write out my feelings so I am thankful to have found this blog...

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  48. Today is July 5th. I've been bleeding and cramping...passing clots. I've been jogging on the treadmill trying to make it happen sooner. I'm still not sure if I will keep my doctor's appointment. Why go through all the HCG level testing? In the last 4 miscarriages it took months to return to zero. I'm smart enough to know that if I get a fever something is wrong, but otherwise...

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  49. Well, today is July 8th. I had an ultrasound yesterday and after all the bleeding I was surprised to see a heartbeat. I now feel guilty for being on the treadmill trying to speed up the miscarriage. But now it is harder because it gave me hope again. The doctor told me I have a 50/50 chance but I feel like that is not true considering my history. Also, he said the heartbeat was slow but could pick up. I just know in my head that with my three normal pregnancies in my twenties, I didn't bleed or cramp at all. With my four miscarriages, bleeding was the first sign in all but the last one when no heartbeat on the ultrasound happened before any spotting. It is so hard to act normal around my family today because only my husband knows about this. I'm laughing and talking and cooking like nothing is going on when all I can think is ...is the heart still beating?? And the bleeding is worse today than yesterday...

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  50. To the lady who just posted this July, my heart is aching for you. I know exactly how you feel, the things you fear, and why you probably just WANT TO KNOW, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. You just want it OVER, one way or another. I never did the treadmill, but I thought about it. Oh god I thought about it. Instead, I decided to just stay in the bathroom allday and night, waiting to miscarry this baby just as I had the others. I felt that way too.

    But what really makes me feel so terrible is that after all that, a year of depression, anxiety, pregnancy tests, ovulation tests, forced sex on the right days of the month, and tests...oh my god, never-ending tests. After everything, I am currently 17 weeks pregnant after two (known)miscarriages and one other possible miscarriage over the past year. And now that I'm here, now that I'm where I was trying so hard to be for so long, almost obsessionally. I feel numb. There's still the anxiety that I might still loose it but the pregnancy is completly different. I'm numb. It's like I'm talking about someone else when I talk about the pregnancy or the baby. I'm dressing someone else in the mirror with clothes to hide my belly. Half the time I don't allow myself to think of myself as pregnant, just getting fatter.

    I got pregnant the one month I didn't try. I had finally given up. I had looked around my house and realised I was so depressed and withdrawn that after the miscarriages, I barely knew my family anymore. I stayed in my room, in the house all of the time. I hadn't cleaned or eaten a meal with my family in months. And I promised to stop trying, to be a better more to my living children. To get better...honestly I was probably closer to suicide at that point than I had ever been. I promised myself to go get Birth Control as soon as possible, but, I hadn't had sex unless I was ovulating for almost a year so I wasn't really worried. And then it happened. I had sex once that month because I felt bad for my husband. It wasn't during my "ovualtion days" which I knew like clockwork. I even remember getting up immediatly after to pee and clean up, something I hadn't done for a year as I always laid there at least for thirty minutes afterwards with my feet elevated. And the next thing I knew, I was pregnant.

    But I feel none of the joy, like I felt before, no hope or excitement. Just guilt. Unending guilt. Guilt for losing the other pregnancies, quilt for feeling so non-committal about this one, guilt that so many people are trying so hard for what I have right now, guilt as a friend of mine has a 13 year old niece, who is in a coma from a bike accident and might now make it, guilt I can pray and worry over this girl I've never met, but no feelings for the life I'm carrying inside me. Just guilt. I went from worrying incessantly whether or not the babies heart is still beating to worrying and wondering - what about mine?

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  51. I just posted the post above and I meant to end the post by saying, that after a loss or losses, take your time trying again. I understand the urge to try right away. I fought tooth and nail with everyone who tried to stand in the way of my concieving again. I was CONVINCED that if I got pregnant, it would get better.
    It hasn't. I'm proof that sometimes it takes more time and healing for someone to be ready. So please, for your sake and your future childs sake...please...take the time YOU need to heal, not just physically but emotionally as well.

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  52. I'm miscarrying right now as I write this...I have lost 4 babies. 7 weeks, 8 weeks, 18 weeks (my son Dustin) and now again at 7 weeks. I feel helpless..like should I even try anymore? I had to give birth to my son at 18 weeks yet that is still considered a miscarriage? And now 4months later to lose another baby...I don't understand I do everything right, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I eat healthy the right kinds of foods, i take vitamins, yet every day I see girls out there 9 months pregnant smoking having wine doing drugs..I just don't get it...people keep telling me...just have faith...keep trying..practice makes perfect...well you know what? I just want to give up! I want a baby so bad...but sitting here right now in pain...makes me think is it worth it? Yet I know me, and in a month or so I'm sure I will be looking at the ovulation tests and taking the folic acid pills again just in case? Why do I do this to my self? Why?

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  53. I am the 42 year old woman who began posting on the 4th of July. I am glad I got up the nerve to look at this page again. To the woman who posted on July 21 who is 17 weeks pregnant: I can only imagine what you are going through. I hope that you are up front with your Doctor about your depression. It sounds like you needed treatment before becoming pregnant again. I understand depression, and it is understandable considering what you have been through. On top of the tragedy of miscarriages, the hormones go out of control. Ask your Doctor about taking St. John's Wort. It has helped me regain my positive mood after all of my miscarriages and it is completely natural. In spite of seeing a heartbeat, my HCG level went way down before my second appointment and it has already returned to zero. My bleeding never was very bad and had stopped completely by the time I got the HCG level back. Apparently I miscarried while peeing or something, because I never saw the tiny sac come out like I usually do. I actually had hoped that this one was going to make it when the bleeding stopped and didn't realize I'd already miscarried. It meant that, like my worst fears, I passed the baby and flushed it without knowing!
    I have been sad, but I am functioning. To the woman who is 17 weeks, you probably don't want to hear that I envy you... I pray that your baby will make it and that you will begin to feel confident enough to enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy.
    I don't plan on trying again, and I hope I don't change my mind again! My husband and I are considering trying embryo adoption. We are researching it and it is a wonderful way to adopt. I feel that I'd rather try to save a life that has already been created rather than to keep creating new life that is doomed. Their are parents out there who have extra frozen embryos and they want someone to give them life.

    For the woman who posted on the 29th, my prayers are with you. All of us here understand your pain and confusion. I myself can't seem to stop taking the folic acid just in case...

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  54. I am reading your comments and it is so strange that women with repeated miscarriages feel the same. I have had 3 miscarriages within the last couple of months. The last one about 3 weeks ago and I told myself if I get pregnant again I am not even going to bother. I will just wait for a miscarriage. I am not even going to go the Doctor or tell anyone. It is really sad to feel this way but its reality. However ladies, one word of advice is not to lose hope. I know of people with repeated miscarriages who went on to have health babies. I forgot to mention I have 4 children and it really surprises me that I cant seem to keep a baby again. What irritates me is that when you have a miscarriage the people around you keep saying "at least you have 4 children" but they really cant understand how you feel because they have not experienced what we went through. So ladies, thanks for your comments, it really made me feel normal. All the best to those of you who are trying again. Never give up hope.

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  55. I can't believe that these words written from previous women are exactly what I feel. I cry as I read through the stories of countless women feeling guily because they think God doesn't love them or think they deserve to have babies. It kills me. I feel the same way. I've had 2 miscarriages and a blighted ovum. Which makes 3 miscarriages. I've never known such physical and emotional pain then when I miscarried. No woman or doctor who has never miscarried will know what it feels like to have your body fail you. I want to give my husband beautiful children and it breaks my heart that I haven't been able too. I am terrified to get pregnant and have been putting it off because I'm scared to death. I feel as if I lost
    friends because of it. I don't have anyone to talk to who understands what its like to be so excited about creating a life then have it painfully taken away. I will never forget the ultrasound of my 1st miscarriage. I was in the emergency room with bleeding and mild cramping when I was 11 weeks 2 days pregnant. The ultrasound techs face was blank. I looked at the screen and I saw this beautiful little body that was lifeless. It killed me. I screamed and wanted to die. What did I do to make this baby die? Was it something I ate? Was I to active? Did I not eat enough food with vitamins? What did I do, God? Why do you hate me? Why can everyone around me be blessed with beautiful children that are unplanned and me and my husband left with nothing? I'm tired of hearing, "Next time will be different, I feel it." It gives me false hopes and turns my dream into a nightmare. Will this vicious circle of m/c ever end? I pray all the time to God, please bless me with children, even one. I know I will be a great mom. Just please give me the chance, I promise I won't let you down.

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  56. Wow! This blot was amazing. My story is like everyone else. We have had 3 miscarriages. I just found out today I'm pregnant again (4wks4days) sure I had small excites butterflies when I first saw the word pregnant but it was very short lived. I am just waiting now to miscarry. Just waiting to start spotting. The last miscarriage was at 14 weeks. I now feel like "is it ever gonna be ok to tell everyone!?" I figured at 14 weeks I was outta the woods. Nope. We had just seen the heartbeat 5 days earlier. Thank god I have been blessed with a 10 and 4 year old!! That seems to make things easier. If this baby don't stick we r done. I can't take anymore baby loss. My friends say try not to worry so much, but none of them have ever had one miscarriage. It I something they will never understand. Ever.

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  57. I am just ending my 4th miscarriage. I have had three in a row now. The Dr.'s are doing a blood workup. I sooooo hope the next time is a keeper. I too am not sure how many more I can take. It is truly devastating. I have an 8 year old Son and am perplexed as to why I cannot hold a pregnancy now. I am only 33 years old. I am in good health. I just can't stand the not knowing....the waiting....analyzing every little symptom. I am hoping to get some answers or a stroke of luck so I can have a bundle of joy once again! I have not given up hope yet!! My thoughts and best wishes to all you ladies out there going through the same thing... WE WILL HAVE OUR MIRACLE BABIES.... We just can't give up hope!! :)

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  58. I found myself tearing up when I read through this blog. It's the one thing other than my husband, that's given me comfort. It hasn't given me comfort to talk to my sisters or friends about my two miscarriages and current pregnancy. One friend tried to relate to my situation by telling me about someone she knows who is infertile and doing IVF. Completely different situation. I keep getting pregnant and lost it twice. Now I'm pregnant again. I'm not infertile. My sister had a miscarriage but has two children. She says she doesn't want to try again because she felt her miscarriage was so unfair. Unfair? Try miscarrying twice with no children. And she doesn't tell our family about the miscarriage, as if it's some shameful act. It makes me sick. Others offer their condolences, but doesn't give me comfort. I don't like being pitied. I know they all mean well, and my sister probably doesn't want to tell the family because she doesn't want to cause distress. But the upshot is their words don't help.
    The weekend before I had an appointment with a fertility specialist to find out what may have caused my first two miscarriages, I found out I was pregnant again. My husband and I had already done a genetics test, which came out negative. The fertility specialist put me on progesterone suppositories. She says that if I miscarry this one, we can do the uterine test and later, a blood test during my next regular period to check for Thrombophilias. She asked me how long my cycles are. 23 to 28 days. Her eyes lit when I said 23. "How often do you have 23 day cycles?" In the past 2 years, once or twice a year. She said that as a woman ages, she starts to produce viable eggs with less frequency. I'm 36 years old. She said a short cycle of 23 days is an indication of an egg that may not be viable. In the fact sheet she gave me, it says that for 50-75% of women who miscarry multiple times, there is no explanation for it. On a youtube video I saw, an OB/GYN said that of the 50% of women whose multiple miscarriages have no explanation, that within this 50% of women, 70% will at some point by some freak chance, have a successful pregnancy. So if I miscarry a third time, and take all these tests, and if they all come out negative, then it has to be that it was just a non-viable egg that got inseminated each time I was pregnant. And that there is still hope to become pregnant if I happen to produce a viable egg at the time of ovulation. The question becomes, do I want to keep trying.
    I read an earlier post of a woman who felt that maybe God was punishing her and telling her she didn't deserve a child. I also had this fleeting thought at one point. When my niece told me that she felt so sad I lost my pregnancy, I told her that it's ok. That if God gives me a baby it'll be wonderful, but if he doesn't that's ok too. I had to think about this though after I said it, because this would raise more questions in a child than it answers. 'Why wouldn't he give you a child? what would you have done that he wouldn't give you a child?' It's quite irrational really. Because although I'm definitely not a saint, what would a prostitute on crack have done to 'deserve' a baby? Because babies are born to drug users and prostitutes and also to women who get raped. What would they have 'done' to have 'deserved' it? Nothing. Reproduction is biological and natural. If a viable sperm inseminates a viable egg in a viable womb, a baby is born. God gave us a body to reproduce and all living things age and die. It's just a natural process. Deserve or fairness has nothing to do with it.

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  59. i also have had three miscarriages but have two living children too and am pregnant again. now i may be a horrible person since im 25 but its still painful. my first son is 5 and the result of a broken condom and bc failing! then when he was one i lost a baby early (4-5 wks) then when he was 3 i had my youngest then this year ive lost two babies the first at 5 weeks and the second i was suppose to be 8 weeks but baby died at 6 weeks and had to have a dnc in april from it (had major problems almost bled to death literally from the last one.) im 4 weeks exactly today and have some pains but they feel normal and im just trying to sit back and relax as to not stress about it and pray for the best but just like you guys its so hard to cuz this is my fiancees first (other dad cheated on me and left me!) im scared and dont really know what to do should i do the bedrest thing everytime i go to the doctor i end up with bad news!!! im even suppose to have blood tests and hormone tests done next month we havent even told anyone im pregnant cuz im scared it wont last!

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  60. After reading many of the comments, just want to reach out to say it's not your fault if you have miscarriages. I've had two now and know the guilt, but miscarriage was something that happened to us, not something we did. Love and deep sympathy to you all.

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  61. I also have had 3 misscarriages and I am currently 6 wk 5 days and every little cramp or gas pain i think its going to happen again...had a scan at 5 weeks 6 days and saw sac and pole and heart rate at 100 bpm..next scan at 7 weeks 5 days but i am preparing myself for the worst since its all i really know...and it doest get easier only worse but ill keep my fingers crossed that this will be the one and if not i will dust myself off and keep trying ... i will never stop until i hold my breathing baby in my arms or i reach menopause. hope we will all be blessed w a bundle of joy one day

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    1. Has your pregnancy continued ok?

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  62. I have had three miscarriages so far and can identify with all of these comments. I am thankful to hear that I am not the only one suffering. It is sad that any of us are suffering - but at least we do not have to do it alone. We lost the first one at 19 weeks, then 5 weeks and 5 weeks. I really want to keep trying but am entertaining the idea of adoption as I am not sure how many more miscarriages I can survive. At what point do I give up?

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  63. Hi everyone, firstly my heart goes out to all of you, I have two wonderful boys who were born 16 months apart, pregnacies were great and labour was text book with both. Because of this we never thought that I would miscarry 3 times in one year. First was no heartbeat at 12 weeks, second was bleeding the day before my scehuled 7 week scan, third was at 5 wks 5 days woke up went to toilet and was heavily bleeding. I had tests done to which they found no medical reason for any of them and just called it unfortunate. I am happy to report I am 8wks 3 days, and after a year of miscarrying I never actually saw a scan of any of them with heart beats, I have been to this one and finally saw the heart beating, even heard it, I cried and cried, I have never been so blown away it was truely magical. Now I found it interesting that this pregnacy feels so different, constant breast soreness and with all of the others I was very highly strung, it had to have been my hormones being too low, also I got told that I have thick blood so this time ive been taking fish oil which thins your blood. Even though I feel different and optimistic I still check the paper for blood, cringe at any pain in tummy, I am literally crawling through each day. I wanted to say to all of you if you have the courage please try again, as much as I know how much pain you feel with each loss, be strong, pick yourself up and try again. My brother in law was after 7 miscarriages, it did finally happen. I hope you find the courage too. xo

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  64. Lauren C, dont give up hun, you will be a great Mum, hang in there, its worth it xo

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  65. Is there anywhere where we can read the entire initial posting? I go to the link and it states that it isn't there anymore. Pretty Please? It's so close to my experiences and my fears and I've never seen it put into words so well before!

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  66. I'm currently in early pregnancy and my fear isn't so much loosing the baby but hemoraging. I hemoraged the last time and had to have a blood transfusion followed by a dnc I'm petrified!!! Please some one help!!!

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  67. I would like to say how thankful I am to have found this website and read all your posts.
    I have had 3 miscarriages, my body is fine does all the work and I have all the symptoms
    But the baby dies.
    I feel so angry so ripped off that all my friends are pregnant around me and so easy, where here Is me and my husband doing everything right and no baby.
    They are going to look into this now but I am scared of maybe god has chosen my path and I will never be a mum. I am 33 and time is running out along with my aniexity and emotions... Your story's make me hopeful tho and I pray I will one day hold a healthy baby in my arms.

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  68. Thanks for writing your stories on here. I had four miscarriages before my little boy was born two years ago. Since then I've had three more. I had another positive test yesterday. It fills me with dread as I am terrified that yet again it will go at 6 weeks. I can't imagine how many times I can go through it. Like others have said, if I do bleed, it's almost a relief to not go through the anxiety again. God willing, I will keep this precious one.

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  69. So happy to have found this site, I too have had 3 miscarriages in 18 months, I have no children and its so sad how miscarriage becomes the normal. I too get terrified every time I go to the loo and that horrible moment in the scan when you pray everythings ok but deep down you know the "I'm sorry" words are coming. What gets me the most is I have missed miscarriages which wont come away. The one I had in October I had a DNC for and then 3 months later there was still tissue embedded meaning a 2nd DNC 5 weeks ago. My first one took 9 weeks for my periods to return, my 2nd and 3rd have taken 17 weeks for a natural period. Sometimes the after math of getting back to normal after scares me more than the loss. I pray we all get the babies we deserve soon as it seems so many people have babies so easy, Im glad im not the only one to feel this way

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  70. I also suffer from RPL...I have had 4 miscarriages, one was a blighted ovum, one ended at 71/2weeks, then a chemical pregnancy then the last one ended at 8 weeks and 2 days. The last one was especially hard as I had seen the heartbeat and it was the furthest I had even been. I just found out my sister in law is pregnant. I want to be happy for her but I really just want to avoid the whole subject. My husband can't understand my attitude and I am tired of feeling so alone in this. I am currently going through acupuncture and seeing a naturopathy doctor...Western Medicine has failed so I feel I have nothing to lose. I want and dread pregnancy at the same time. I probably wont tell anyone next time, I deal with it alone now, I might as well avoid all of the apologies and awkwardness by keeping it to myself. I sometimes wish I couldn't get pregnant at all, if I cant have a baby that would be easier. Thank you all for being here, I hope and pray for the best for all of you.

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  71. I've just discovered that my almost 11 week fetus' heart isn't beating...This is my 4th M/C in less than 2 years.

    All of you ladies, thank you for sharing your experiences. No one around me seems to understand how ridiculous their advice to "just relax" is. I exercise, i meditate, I breathe deeply, I pray...and I'm still constantly anxious. Then, the M/C happens and I wonder (and I'm sure the ones who told me to relax also wonder) if my stressed and anxious state did anything to cause the M/C. It's a terrible cycle.

    Not sure what my husband and I will do at this point. One thing's for sure: next time I'm pregnant, I'm planning to just keep quiet, be healthy and wait. Maybe I'll go in for a scan around 16 weeks or so...my feelings is that, if it's going to work, it's going to work. I think the ultrasounds and bloodwork and checks may help, but for me, they help to make me crazier.

    Good luck to you all!

    ~Jesse

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  72. why age to be blammed for miscarraiges, there are many women intheir late forty and pregnant,as long as you have period you should get pregnant and have babies.

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  73. Hello everyone. I am currently 6 weeks along and saw a heart beat. I'm due to go in for my weekly ultrasound on Monday. This is my 4 th pregnancy and have had 3 mc in the last 2 years. I am hoping that this will be my miracle. I feel very discouraged, because I feel why would I be able to carry a pregnancy to date if so many women have not? Why should I be lucky and not any of you? This haunts me and keeps my hopes unexistant. I cannot be happy or exited...I have chosen not to tell any family, just close friends that will be able to just listen if a mc happens again. I too felt the relief of the last 2 mc. Then the anxiety would be over. This time I am not as anxious, I'm just not even really believing it will happen for me, I'm just waiting for mc too,,,just like the rest of you.
    Thanks for allowing me to just put this out there...good luck to all of you.

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  74. Hello everyone. I am now having my second miscarriage in less than a year. I knew one was common, but two makes me terrified. I just don't think it will ever happen for me. Last time we told our families and when we miscarried, they were not as supportive as we expected. It was a double loss. This time we told no one. I feel lonely and sad. I teach first grade so I cannot avoid children. Every teacher in my school has children and it makes me feel left out and isolated. I hate this...

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    ReplyDelete
  76. I have posted on this site before and after 3 miscarriages - one at 19 weeks - we are now 26 weeks and expecting a boy. I think the only thing that got me as far as I am now is accupuncture!!! Not sure if it is true or not but my accupuncturist claims that all this miscarriage and stress can cause the body to just not work right.....accupuncture twice a week for the first twelve weeks and a month prior to conception is suppossed to increase odds of successful pregnancy. We tried it after 3 consecutive miscarriages and things seem to be going well....just a thought!

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  77. My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced the pain of RPL's. Myself, I've had 2 miscarriages since this past december. The most recent one doesn't even seem to phase me. it' the first one that I'm still upset by. I had just gotten married, and we were both so happy. I was 12 weeks along at our wedding, and on our honeymoon started to get some spotting and cramps. Came back and lost it at 15 weeks. it was awful and terrible and all i could think about was gettin pregnant again. so it happened and the 2nd miscarriage was a "missed miscarriage" my husand and i are scheduled for an appointment with a fertility clinic next week to help us try to find out why this has happened, but just this morning my husband has told me he's severely depressed and doesn't want to ttc anymore. It broke my heart to hear him say this. I don't know what to do. I hope this is just a bad week (our first baby would have been due on or around june 6) and maybe he'll change his mind again. I just am so upset. It was bad enough dealing with the pain of loosing both pregnancies, and now to deal with the pain of possibly never having another chance to have a child I just don't know what to do.

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  78. Since becoming addicted to sites like this after having my third mc last month it's nice to read so many people that feel the same as me. It feels like some of u have been living in my mind for the last few weeks. I've just found out I'm pregnant again although very very early on, I have no feeling of joy and only of sheer worry and torment! Everytime I pass a mirror I'm
    Checking my boobs to make sure they are still enlarged I'm tweaking them to make sure they r sore, analyzing the colour of my pee and thats just the start! From the moment I get up till I go to bed my head is filled with nothing but worry, I'm even scared to go to the loo now! I have found comfort in reading other people's success stories and do it at least 5-6 times a day! I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive bf who constantly tries to reassure me! I'm so sorry for everyone who has had the misfortune to have to go thru this, no one else really understands what it's like. I've decided today especially after reading all your stories to try to stay positive to allow myself only 10minutes of worry a day, unfortunately what is going to happen will happen so I'm just going to let nature take it's course whichever course that may be. I will keep trying until I am lucky enough to carry my baby to term. Good luck to everyone and thank you for making me feel normal and most importantly not alone x

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  79. I have had three misscarriages. All earlier than ten weeks. I am now on my fourth pregnancy and I have reached 9 weeks four days with no blood and a heartbeat on both ultrasounds. But every twinge puts me into a panic. All of my friends have now had children and it annoys me when they have had two children and then say how hard it is having one misscarriage after having children. Yes it is hard, but try having three with no children!!

    I just feel like shaking people like that, I would be happy with even one pregnancy that goes full term!

    I feel that anxiety every time and I feel like I cannot allow myself to even think about getting excited because I KNOW that its going to be dead soon. Theres no getting around my thoughts. People try and say stuff like relax itle happen, but it dosent help!!

    Im sick of it and im sick of the depression that comes with it. I have changed my life each time to be the best I can, but its just pointless.

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  80. Hi ladies, I completely understand what you are feeling, I have had 3 miscarriages and now am pregnant again, I don't even know how long because I haven't been for an ultrasound yet, I am scared to death of one and had an anxiety attack today because of it. I have all the pregnancy symptoms, but had the same thing with my last misacarriage. Can't feel excited at all, just worried and anxious and wish I could fast forward to 9 months. I just want to complete my family ( I already have a beautiful 3.5 yrd old girl) and I so badly want to give her a brother or a sister. I had no problems conceiving her, so I don't understand what has changed. All the tests show both me and hubby are ok. Pregnancy is no longer a positive experience for me, it's just a clouded state of worry and anxiety and I truly hope that this time will be a success, but can't help feeling the way I do. To all you ladies out there that are going through similar scenarions, I believe we will all get there one day, we just have to have faith, as that is all we have left to keep us going. Baby luck to all of you from the bottom of my heart.

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  81. WOW, finally people who understand....I have 2 sons 12 and 14. I then went on to have 6 miscarriages (5 in the past 2 years). A couple months ago I decided I was done, no more trying no more children. I was 100% sure of this....Then I get a positive pregnancy test, I am now 8 weeks and am 40 years old. I have nothing but negative thoughts for the past 3 weeks. I have been having alot of anxiety, I keep telling myself I dont want this anymore, this pregnacy is a mistake...could it be these feelings/thoughts are nothing more than a defense mechanism so that if I have another loss or there is something seriously wrong it wont hurt so much?
    I am terrified that I just dont want this baby....I hope to good I am just trying to protect myself and that at some point I will start to look forward to this pregnancy/baby. At what point can I start to feel good? The anxiety is killing me.

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  82. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  83. Hi Ladies,
    It is so nice to read your stories and be able to relate.
    We have had a heartache 18 months with 3 miscarriages, I have also had 1 previous to a different partner so this is making it 4.
    All mine die at around 6-9 weeks, I have seen the heartbeat on 2 of them.
    This last one I thought it was going to be different as I had all the testing which have all came back clear, and I was on progestrone supplements. I saw a heart beat at 5.5 weeks which is nice and early however I had the on and off bleeding which kept me anxious. We went for another scan and again no heartbeat, however my body still goes with it so it is now looking like a genetic issue which they can not pick up on my Karatype blood test. I had to have another d&c making it my 3rd.
    We have been referred to another professor who may do PGD testing however I am scared, I am scared to find out my eggs are bad or to find out we will never have our own child. It is like my worst fear after all the aniexty I have already been through.
    We have all our good friends pregnant at the moment it is so hard, I keep thinking what have I done wrong or how or why is it so easy for them. having our own baby will complete us and make me the happiest living human on this earth, right now I just dont have any hope or faith left it will happen I have never felt so alone.
    I wish the best for all of you and hope we are on here telling our stories of our newborns.
    Thank you for listening.

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  84. Hi. I started off thinking I wanted four or five kids. I started wen I was 22, I miscarried at 20 weeks, jus went into labour. Everything was normal, bloodtests etc. Dont drink or smoke. I was the first to miscarry in my family. Was hard but didnt think much of it. Then got pregnant again, but miscarried the exact same week. at 20 wks.Both of them wer boys. Docs jus said I was unlucky.bit I kept my hopes up because I didnt want to get depressed. I didnt bleed, his startd going into labour. I jus had my thirdsmiscarriage two weeks agp, I was 4 weeks. N all I want is fot someone to understand. My husband gets depressed, n end up being the strings one to support him, but I don't want to b strong anymore. Me and my sister always get pregnant together, she's got 3 gorgeous children. Iv already started trying, I dont want to wait. But I believe everything happens for reason, I pray everyday it keeps me sane. O rung a friend to tel her for support, she jus said ' atleast u can get pregnant' that's the most support iv had so id rather stick to praying. I don't think iv got anymore tears to cry. I dont know what to think. But I believe I will have children oneday.. I hope soon. I'm 26 now. I dont feel like lead of a woman, because its not our fault. But it hurts wen other pop think that about u secretly.. stay strong, have faith, I believe in god, I believe this is all a test. N we will get thru this. Xxxxxxxx

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  85. I am glad that i found this site. I have had the horrible misfortune as well to be in this club. just had my 3rd miscarriage. A year ago October, water broke at 19 weeks 6 days... no explanation, healthy boy, of course too young to live outside of me.. had to give birth!!! like i wasnt being tortured enough! thought they could put me out, but no... got pregnant shortly after, and made it 8 weeks... apt at OB to find out i had a 'missed' misscariage, no heartbeat all of a sudden! had to have a D and C! got pregnant again, and just miscarried at 6-7 weeks.... going to try AGAIN! we are running out of time! early 40s however, i know enough women who have had healthy babies in their forties to give me hope... worst part, telling my parents.. i only told a few people this time..and it kills me to tell them.. once again... not happening... Worst of all, had tons of tests done, and they cant find anytthing wrong with me!! or my husband! it seems as though there is still SO much that Dr's do NOT know about mc and stillbirth.. sooo sad... I was/am able to deal with an early mc much easier than what we went through at 19 weeks. that was cruel... so cruel.. and we will never know why......and he was healthy!!! even worse! what a waste.. no closure.. forever... please, let us just have one.... I have braved more than any human should have to , as you all have.... god bless all of you, i have felt soo alone and like i was going crazy at times.... atleast i know i am not the only one....that another woman knows my pain....we will try again....hope is all we have left...

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  86. Thank you for this blog. I am in the same boat - I have had 4 non-viable pregnancies since 2006 and am now pregnant again only 5 weeks. I am so angry with myself about it because I am 38 and made some stupid decsisions related to staying with someone who didnt really love me for 18 years. I am seeing a fertility specialist and its all unexplained. I am now newly married to the most wonderfulman but this again is happening. I have had 1 already this year. I hate to disappoint him but I think this one will go this way again.

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  87. My heart goes out to every one of the women who have posted here, I am currently 6wks 3days and this is my 11th pregnancy, my 2nd and 3rd were live births, my beautiful 14yr old daughter and lovely 13yr old son, I know how very lucky I am to have them, I was 18 & 19 yrs old when they were born and in a relationship that was never going to last, as a result of this I was a single mum by the time my son was 1 and never thought I would have anymore, then I met my lovely partner 3 years later, we eventually decided to extend our little family but after 10 months of trying we miscarried at 6 wks, we were both devastated but decided to try again ASAP, this one ended at 5 wks, then our next was a suspected ectopic at 10 wks, that was incredibly hard as I had to have it chemically removed, felt like I was aborting our much wanted baby and took a very long time to forgive myself, we then went on to have 3 more early losses between 5 and 9 weeks and were just about ready to give up when I found out I was pg again, as always we didn't allow ourselves to get too hopeful, just waiting for it all to go wrong, but we kept reaching those little milestones, hated scans and appointments as I always suspected the worst, but we reached our 12 week scan and everything perfect, so I started to relax just a tiny bit, but our world came crashing down when we went for a routine check up at 19 wks and they couldn't find the heartbeat, a few days later I went into labour and delivered my perfectly formed little girl, perfect but sleeping, it broke me completely.
    that was 2 years ago and we have now decided that if we don't try again now then we never will, so here we are again, instead of happy, excited and looking forward, instead its not going to the toilet until I'm busting because I'm sure the bleeding has started again, making appointments with the specialist that I don't want to go to in case they scan me and tell me the inevitable, haven't even made a appointment with the midwife yet as, even though they know our history they still talk about where we would like to deliver our baby and plan for things that feel so far in the future, I just want to get through the next few hours safely, not think about next week even! This makes me sound like such a negative person but I promise that in every other aspect of my life I am a complete optimist, but unfortunately experience has taught me not to look to far forward were my little angels are concerned xxxx

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  88. Well 5 days on we had our first consultation yesterday, including a scan, by my dates I should be 7 wks today, but by the measurements it was 6wks yesterday, everything looks healthy and there is a strong heartbeat, but I just can't help thinking that by the time I go for my next appointment on Thursday that they are gonna tell me that it hasn't grown anymore, as my first positive hpt was 3 weeks ago, should it have given a positive so very early on? Or is it possible that it is just a little slow to get started? The consultant was honest and said that I may have fallen later in my cycle or that the pregnancy may not yet be viable but that at the moment it is healthy and alive, just earlier than we would expect given my dates. He has given me heparin to inject myself every day and I am still on high level folic acid and vitamin D, I am eating well and correctly, have switched to decaf tea and coffee, really not sure what else I can do other than just lie in bed for the next few months, but surely that isn't healthy either! Consultant wants to see me every week now so will let you know what the result is Thursday, good or not xxxx

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  89. We went back yesterday for our next check up and scan, thankfully we have a weeks worth of growth and still a strong heartbeat, back same time next week for the same, still have a overwhelming feeling of dread, I'm convinced that it is going to fail...again.
    When the consultant was looking to begin with, I couldn't even breath, I couldn't see the heartbeat and was certain he was going to tell us it hadn't grown, but he soon showed us that it had then showed us the heartbeat, I relaxed just a bit.
    My problem now is that every week that everything is well is another tiny slither of hope that is building, no matter how much I try not to, this is bad because I know I won't cope if it goes wrong late on again, if its going to fail I just hope that it is sooner rather than later, does that make me sound evil? I desperately want my baby to survive, to hold my living, breathing child in my arms, I don't want to have to bury another little angel xxxx

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  90. Another week on and another perfect weeks growth and heartbeat, also saw the midwife for the first time on Wednesday and had my booking in appointment, she was lovely and after hearing about our miscarriage history she was very careful not to talk to much about things too far in the future, certainly the most understanding midwife I have met with so far.
    Saw a different consultant at the hospital yesterday, and she made us feel as though it was a bit of a waste of time to be seeing us weekly, although it was the lead consultant who said he wanted us to come weekly, she also didn't seem to know how to use the equipment correctly, She was prodding and twisting the internal scanner so much that I was really quite uncomfortable, making me wince more than once, and I have quite a high pain thresh hold, I hope we get to see Mr Walker next week.
    Another week and another tiny slither of hope added, I just hope it's not in vain xxxxx

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  91. Hi Anonymous that just posted,
    Not sure if you come on here anymore, but I can completely relate to how you feel. I have had 5 losses and am currently pregnant and every time I have an u/s, I am a nervous wreck. I have one scheduled for 10am this morning (1 3/4 hour away) and I am terrified. I have had several u/s throughout this pregnancy (am 19 weeks now) and I get so scared each time. I wanted to reach out to you and see if you would like to talk personally so we can comfort each other during those times. And, of course, any one else who wants to talk as well that has been down the road of RPL. My e-mail is erinbaneynwa@yahoo.com. I look forward to talking to you.

    Erin

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  92. Hi Erin, thank you so much for your reply, it is a strange comfort to know you are not the only one who feels this way, how did your u/s go? I hope your little bundle is doing well.
    I had mine today, thankfully with Mr Walker, and was really pleased to see that our little one is catching up now, it had been measuring a week behind our dates but today it is only 1 day behind, and still a strong heartbeat. 9wks + 3 xxx
    Right now I feel relieved even a little happy, but I know that as the week creeps by the anxiety builds and builds, if we get as far as 12 weeks we will have to wait 4 weeks for the next one, I will be a absolute wreak by then!
    Can I ask if you have made it this far before? I just don't know when I will start to relax or enjoy being pregnant, I cherish every moment I am pregnant, but at the same time it terrifies me!
    Thank you for your email address, I would like to keep n touch, mutual support right now can only be a good thing

    Kara xx

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  93. Reading most of these made me feel better. Knowing im not alone helps. Im 21 im married to an amazing man and we have a 2 year old. Last week i had my 3rd loss. In december i went in for an ultrasound. We saw our baby at 6 weeks. We could see the heartbeat and it measured just a little small but the doctor said everything looked great. With my other 2 i never made it to my first appointment. Lost one at 5 weeks and the other at 8. Each time 2to days before my appointment. I thought things would be better since we got to see it and its heartbeat. I went in at 11 weeks and he said there was no heartbeat. He said it had stopped growing at 8 weeks. He said my baby had been dead inside me for 3 weeks. I had to have an emergency d&c cause it had stayed for so long he was afraid id bleed out if i tried to pass it last my last 2. Its been exactly 1 week. Today i get a phone call and 2 texts saying my sister in law is pregnant. Thays when it all just hit me. I had done good at controlling my thoughts and feelings and not getting upset. But ive been crying ever since. Im just now grieving over our loss. And im not jealous or anything i hope hers goes better than mine and i hope she has a healthy baby. But i dont think anyone understands how upsetting it was to hear it once much less 3times including a picture of the test. Ive always been the strong one and now im just depressed and really upset. Its like hearing that was a wake up call that im not pregnant anymore. My husband is trying to be understanding but he doesnt want to talk about it and i feel like i just need to talk and cry. My doctor doesnt understand what's wrong since ivr had a normal pregnancy and a healthy child. And with me being so young hes eveb more confused. Only 2e other women in my family have fertility problems one was cancer and the other was from a tube reversal so nothing hereditary. I just need answers so i can move on...

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    1. Hello, everyone, i have just sat for an hour reading and crying at everyones posts over the years as I can relate to you all so well. I have to say that its so comforting to know that Im not alone with this. I have had 5 miscarriages, 3 of them were recorded by the GP and the other two just came out naturally after about a week of finding out. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant, and not a second goes by without me feeling anxious. To be honest, i dont know if I am carrying around an embryo that died at 6 weeks, or this is the one that will work. I have been to the GPs and begged for a scan so that i know either way, however unless i have cramps or bleeding, they say its out of their hands as the hospital doesnt class me as a priority. I also know that if I got a date for an early scan i would be absolutely petrified as, like another lady said, all im used too is bad news.... it hasnt grown, no heart beat etc. No body really understands how i feel apart from you ladiesI I hope you all go on to be mothers as we all deserve it. All the best to you all, Wendy

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    2. Hey Wendy. Wonder if u see this, could u email me? Ur in the same boat as me and i wondered if it might make u feel better to have someone who relates bc i sure would...6 mcs new hubby w 3 previous children so we know problem is not with him (making it impossible for him to truly understand wat its like to not have your own. Sometimes he is comforting, most times hes not. Like he was literally insulted when i told dr that i knew problem was not him) anyhow... there is alot of worry in my heart as im now 8 days late on my very on time AF. I dont even wanna.take a test but i know. My normally small tatas r swollen n painful, im emotional and im feelin odd sensations i can easily interpret by now. I just figure if i dont test, i can pretend i was late =\ well my email is inhale2exhale4@gmail.com
      My name is Ari'elle hope to hear from u. Either way im prayin for a very sticky baby for u xoxo

      Delete

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    ReplyDelete
  95. Hello ladies,
    I posted a while back during my 5th pregnancy (previous 4 were all losses) and I am happy to report that I delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy a year and a half ago. I am posting again because I am praying that those posters who are currently pregnant are able to carry their babies to term. I can completely relate to the wish that if you are going to lose your angel, you want to lose him/her sooner rather than later b/c the further along you are, the harder the loss is
    (although of course all losses are hard). For me, as my pregnancy progressed, I gained a little more hope, but I always carried that anxiety with me that I would lose him. Your fear of something going wrong never leaves you - I think those that have experienced loss know that the worst can happen - and even now I'm still afraid that I will lose him. I just thank God at the end of every day for giving me that day to spend with him. I keep all of you ladies in my prayers and I hope you all end up holding your healthy babies in your arms. I would love to hear updates - please keep posting, with good or bad news. And if you don't want to give up trying, don't give up trying - it is SO worth all of the heartache in the end . . .

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  96. Hi, I am 35yrs old and have had 3 recurrent miscarriages, I have no living children. I sometimes wonder what I ever did wrong to be punished this way. I have also been told that my biological clock will run out sooner than later, I was told this from my specialist as I was having my third miscarriage, I have an AMH of 1.1, part of me just wants to give up, but all I can think about is having a baby of my own, my husband isn't very supportive and nobody else understands. My sister is 21 weeks pregnant which makes it even harder, we went shopping for baby clothes for her today, I don't know why I even went now I feel like shit. Everybody I know that has had a miscarriage is either pregnant or has had a healthy baby, I have been trying for 2 yrs. It's good to read other people's stories as you know that everybody shares similar feelings. I wish you all the best and hope that your dreams do come true xx

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  97. Hi to the lady who posted on 4 May and all of you others to whom my heart goes out. I turned 35 on 4 May and it was also the day that my 3rd miscarriage started. I don't have any children. Its still not over now seems to be dragging on longer than the other 2. I am also losing twins this time. I feel down depressed and shit all the time and nothing I do makes me feel any better. My hubby is great as are some girlfriends but none of them have been through rpl. I am now eligible for tests so will push for what I can get and I have researched a miscarriage clinic in Epsom - Mr Shehata if any of you ladies have heard of this? I am just existing at the moment and have no interest in anything. I hope that we all get our rainbow babies some time soon and don't give up hope. Xxx

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    1. Hi my name is Renee I posted on the 4th of May. I am now 6 weeks pregnant and scared out of my brain but I will have a scan on Tuesday which I will be 6wks 4days, I have never seen a heartbeat at any of my scans so I am hoping that this one is different. I have had all the testing done the only thing they could find was the low AMH of 1.1 that's when I was referred to IVF in Feb this year, the Dr there picked up that I had a low TSH and had put me on thyroid medication he mentioned that the thyroid can cause miscarriage but wasn't sure if that was my reason. We decided to not go through with IVF and try naturally one more time and I feel, so now it's just the waiting game. I really don't feel that Dr's or specialists look into miscarriage enough. If it is my TSH that has caused the other 3 RPL it will be sad to know that it took 2yrs of hell for somebody to pick up on it, my Tsh level was at 1.5 just before I feel and I'm on medication to keep it at that level, then when I found out I was pregnant I had it tested immediately and it had risen to 2.4, so my guess is that it is my tsh levels that have caused the RPL, I have now increased my dose of thyroxine, mind you I'm the one telling the Dr what to do, its just a joke. Keep me posted on your testing and good luck xx

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  98. Thanks for all of this. I'm overwhelmed by sadness after my two miscarriages - both at 10 weeks, and the second one in March this year, the same week the first baby was due. We're all so vulnerable in a way that no one else will understand; I send you all my love - may you be truly blessed beyond your expectations.

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  99. Dear friend it is almost two months now since i order a pregnancy spell cast on me by Dr from this email zogospellcasters@gmail.com and which i started seeing changes on my body since the first week of last month and it two months and i am carrying my own baby in my womb i am so happy that i finally get pregnant after all i been through. contact for any problems you are having he will surely provide you a solution, All thanks be to Dr

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  100. Hi,

    Thanks for all of your sharing. I found myself crying as I read the posts.

    I had just received news yesterday that I had just had a second chemical pregnancy. As its an early miscarriage and not a classified as a clinical one, it was not taken seriously by the medical institution.

    I have a wonderful 3 yr old son who cried to me on many occasions that he felt lonely and wanted a sibling. I feel that I had failed as a mother by losing two pregnancies within 4 months. Both at about 5 weeks.
    When I went through the second failed pregnancy, I remember testing using my pregnancy kit to make sure the test line doesn't disappear (that's what happened to the first chemical preg). I took medication prescribed to strengthen the womb, progesterone... All hopeful that the early miscarriage will not happen again!
    I can never forget the trauma of entering into the same ultrasound room yesterday and finding my worst fear come to past - no gestational sac on the screen. Nothing at all...
    I just want to have a second healthy baby... I've been crying since yesterday... Something in me died and my heart died with it... What's wrong with me?

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  101. Reading this blog and all of the comments reassures me that my feelings are normal and shared by so many other woman who have experienced the same type of tragedies. I am now 13 weeks pregnant after 4 losses in two years. This is the furthest along I have ever been and the only time I have ever seen the heartbeat and watched my little one moving in there. I have only gotten positive feedback from ultrasound techs and my midwife that this pregnancy seems normal and healthy. Despite all of the positive signs, I am constantly on the lookout for signs that the pregnancy has stopped progressing. After having one missed miscarriage, I am terrified that this will happen again and the baby will die and I won't know and will continue to think I am pregnant till my next scan. Instead of being excited, I feel sad a lot of the time, and as if I am bracing myself for another blow. The thought of losing this pregnancy is incomprehensible. I haven't even told many people yet. I thought I would announce the pregnancy at 12 weeks but the thought of telling people I am pregnant again and then having to tell them I miscarried is so upsetting. I think I will slowly start to tell people though. As scary as this is, it is not in my hands and I try to have some faith that this will work out if it is meant to, and to be grateful for all of the positive signs thus far. I try to think positively and the best I can do is to remind myself of how pleasantly surprised I will be when/if this pregnancy results in a healthy, live baby. Thank you to everyone for sharing. I feel as if we're in this together. I am sending you all lots of love and warmth.

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  102. it is almost five months now since i order a pregnancy spell cast on me on Facebook (Oduduwa Ajakaye) i saw in a website on how he help a couple to get pregnant and i contacted him which i started seeing changes on my body since the first week of last 4 months and i am 18 weeks gone and i am carrying my own baby in my womb i am so happy that i finally got pregnant after all i have been through. contact him for any problems you are having, he will surely provide you a solution, All thanks be to him

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  103. Hello every One on this Sites, I have a testimony to share, My Name is Georgina am from the United State of America.Am now 54years old Am a Medical doctor in Canada, I married for about 24years ago without any child then me and my husband go for an adoption of 2kids male/female. Last years something wonderful and gracious happened to me i came across DR.OLOYE in the internet that promise to help me get pregnant which i totally disagree,,, How can i be pregnant looking my age he ask me not to worry that he only specialize on pregnancy no other. That after the job has been completed there is no any side effect, that was how he told me what to do which i did, could you believe i miss my periodical time that same Month and i was pregnant. Today am now the happiest woman on Earth,, While am i testify to this site i know there are a lot of people that are in this kind of trouble some will decide to commit suicide. Please just do and contact him for help make him to understand that Georgina from USA directed you, his email pregnancyspell@gmail.com

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  104. Good day

    Elina Johnson

    i want to use this media to thank and appreciate the great help of DR DROS for helping me pregnant after 7years of marriage and not able to conceive but today with the help of DR DROS i am now a mother , i must say a very big thanks to you Dr Dros and i pray that God continue to bless you with the great help you rendered to people out there thanks once again i don't really know how much i can thank you with the great joy in my hart right now but God will reward you more and more, you are a God sent to the world keep doing your work God will increase you.email of him via: Drossuva@gmail.com
    Good day

    ReplyDelete
  105. A Cecilia, i want to use this media to thank DR DROS for the help of making me pregnant after 4years of barrenness, i thought i will never got pregnant again but when i me prince idialu as was recommend for me true the baby center sit i contact him and he really surprise me.now i am 8months pregnant and i promise as soon as i put to birth i will keep spreading the information to the world how DR DROS has help me after 4years of not able to conceive,i am so happy now thanks once again Dr Dros for your help.email DR DROS for your help via: Drossuva@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  106. AN Amazing Testimony On A Spell Caster Who help me to get pregnant, So me and my partner have been trying for a baby for the last 5 years now and we have had no luck. I don't have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I'm ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 2 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really getting to me. my partner had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I'm thinking it could be a problem with me but I've never had any symptoms of any problems. My partner does smoke and have the occasional drink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional drink. i know i'm slightly overweight but that shouldn't affect our chances too much,one faithful day my friend told me to contact a spell caster that help her aunty, then i contact the man on this email: Drossuva@gmail.com ,

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  107. susan tony my tubes where tied 10 years back after my second child with my ex husband hoping i will live with him all the rest of my life but later we separated until i met this lovely and wonderful man without a child who love to have at list 2 kids but my tubes where tied , when i was on the babycenter i saw how so many women testify how they got pregnant with prophet james roots and herbs which i never thought it will ever work with his email address to reach him so i contacted him and order for the roots surprisingly i got pregnant 1 months and 2 weeks after using the herbs and now i am 7 months pregnant hoping to put to birth soon. so i could not keep this to my self than to testify how he also help me with his roots and herbs .you can as well reach him too on his e-mail prophetjameshomeofanswer@hotmail.com or cell phone +2347035825346

    ReplyDelete
  108. I want to share my true life story and how i got help to save my life and my marriage firstly i want to thank a great man called priest obom, i was married for the past 8years looking for a baby badly and i have spend alot of money for medical description all to no avail until the 9years after loosing hope already and my husband has already made up his mind to marry another woman and it was like big slap on my face till one faithful day i was on the internet checking on what to do to get pregnant and i saw a testimony share by Rita Rorry in Brooklyn NY, her email is ritarorry@gmail.com and she is from USA. on how she got help to have a baby of her own today and she now live a happy life with her husband and she also pregnant again and i quickly contacted the email and number wrote which is solutiontemple220@gmail.com and +234703340344 now am pregnant after doing what this man ask me to do and the instruction he gave to me, am now 7months pregnant after 9years of marriage am so so happy and if you are out there having this similar problem quickly contact him now for your help

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  109. At what point do you give up? I'm not looking for any feel good platitude or prayers...I just want to know when I am supposed to stop hoping?

    After 3 miscarriages and no babies (despite all the tests in the world that can find nothing wrong with either of us), we stopped trying. The emotional stress was just too much, the anxiety and depression debilitating. I have spent the last 2 years telling myself that it is okay, that I never really wanted kids anyway, that I love sleeping in on saturdays, I can buy that trinket because we are not saving for a college fund or daycare, that we can travel at the drop of a hat if we want to...and most days I believed it

    But I hate going to my neices and nephew's birthday parties. I hate pregnant women and seeing young families in the park. I can't do baby showers and I certainly don't want to see baby pictures of a coworker who has done everything unhealthy in the book and yet squirts out yet another kid. Because I know it will never be me...and I feel like a horrible person because of these things, but I know I am only human.

    And then an accident, probably chalked up to irregular ovulation second to age, and we find our selves pregnant again. I can't get excited, I can't get happy, because I KNOW it is going to happen again. But I can't throw out the positive pregnancy test either. I need it. I need to see it in the morning when I give myself the lovenox shot, as I manage the fatigue and morning sickness, I need it as proof that maybe, just maybe this time things will work out. That maybe there is a reason this strange accident happened. I need it as a reminder that all the anxiety and over analyzing of every gurgle and cramp is worth what might be...

    Today I had my 4th miscarriage.

    As much as I know what I am going through is normal, that I must grieve etc, I am angry that I allowed myself to hope. After working so hard to convince myself that my life could be fulfilling without a child that has my curls and my husband's dark eyes, I let that little hope in, and it is tearing me apart.

    Now I am questioning everything again. Should we try again? Should we start down that road? Should we hope? I am now 41 years old. Certainly past my biological prime, past the age when one should expect that a baby would happen. Now that the wound is open again, how do I get it to heal? When at the end of the reproductive road, where do I look if there is no forward? When do I accept the heartbreaking reality and give up?

    How do I not hope?

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  110. Contact Priest Babaka he can cast spells of different purposes like

    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) Herbal care

    Contact him today Priest Babaka whose email address is: babaka.wolf@gmail.com He will help you out of your problems okay

    ReplyDelete
  111. All i can say is a thank you to Dr Babaka for making me and my family a happy home, i have been married for 2 years without a child and i had 4 miscarriage within this time, i saw a post that says contact Dr babaka for Infertility help, so i did, after he cast a pregnancy spell on me i get pregnant few weeks later after having sex with my partner as instructed by Dr babaka, and i am 7 months pregnant now without any complications and i will share another post here after my delivering and i will also give out my personal info, watch out for my next post, so i decide to drop this here for any body going through infertility problem to contact Dr Babaka on babaka.wolf@gmail.com and you will be happy you did, contact him for any problem you are having i believed he will help out

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  112. "Hi Mama Alisha Lura, what a great job you have done. As soon as I started reading your testimoneys, I felt like it was the perfect gift for women with infertility issues. I am a counselor who works with couples with infertility concerns, and have found your work to be extremely helpful for me and for my customers. I have been recommending and encouraging all my clients to order your Medications. With your wise words of experience and alternative techniques you have delivered hope for anyone who is struggling to get pregnant email getyourexbacksolutionspell@gmail.com or visit her visit her website on http://weeblyalishaluraspell.weebly.com/available-spells.html You are welcome to use my testimonial on your site if you like."

    ReplyDelete
  113. thanks to this great man that i can never forget he help me get pregnant for more than 7years i was not able to get pregnant but now since i meant this great man i have got pregnant twice i will forever be grateful to him you can contact him for any help via email miracletemple11@gmail.com cell phone +2348151795598

    ReplyDelete
  114. HOW I WAS ABLE TO GET PREGNANT WITH THE HELP OF DR, SOLACE CALL+2348073082December 29, 2014 at 2:33 PM

    Hi girls, I've always wanted a perfect pregnancy and I did. I recommend you to SOLACECENTER38@GMAIL.COM OR CALL+2348073082462: helped me in my first pregnancy and it was perfect. I love my baby and has one year, thank you sir for your kindness God bless you ....

    http://drsolacecenter.webs.com

    Sarah from UK


    (1) If you want your ex back.

    (2) you need a divorce in your relationship.

    (3) You want to be promoted in your office

    (4) You want women & men to run after you.

    (5) If you want a child.

    (6) You want to be rich.

    (7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever
    .
    (8) If you need financial stance.

    (9) He can help you pregnant.

    (10) He can cure you from any diseases.


    HOW I WAS ABLE TO GET PREGNANT WITH THE HELP OF DR, SOLACE CALL+2348073082462

    ReplyDelete
  115. Thanks to Dr. IBUDU for saving my marriage!!! My names are Mary Hanson, I have been married to my Husband for 7 years, we have 2 kids together and our marriage was wonderful.Am very happy to tell every one my testimony Am sherry from united states,am a nurse, this story of my love life. Another woman had to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man called Dr. IBUDU have helped many people and i decided to give him a reply on his Email if he can help me bring my lover back home and he ask me some information which i send to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids crying and begging for forgiveness and that is why i am happy today He also set my friend free from HIV Dr. IBUDU really make the woman i am today for any one looking for how to get his or her ex back or any problem you are having i advice you Dr. IBUDU is the solution to all problem .You can contact him with this email address: tinalovespell@yahoo.com or call him on: +2348078467513

    ReplyDelete
  116. My name is Sarah Jacoby from USA, Three weeks ago I and my boyfriend had a conflict, so with that he broke up with me saying he no longer wanted to associate with me anymore, I never knew he was interested in working out his marriage with another girl, I was helpless because I loved him so much more than myself, after begging and pleading with him I realized it was out of my hands, he really was leaving me, I could not stay without him, I tried to figure things out with him but he is not listening me, he told me that he is no longer interested that I should look for someone else, I tried all my best but things were not working out, so I had no choice than to look around for help, I went into search of spell caster to help me bring him back to me with the help of spell and after searching I actually finalize to work with (maduraitemple@yahoo.com) in regards of my lover. after 3 days as Dr Madurai told that my lover will return. my lover returned in surprising way, I was chocked and was so happy I can't say how much I'm grateful, My lover not only came back to me, but has left his other girl and now has engaged me, we are getting married next month, I don't know what I would have done without this spell caster you can contact (maduraitemple@yahoo.com) him today . is spell is for a better life

    ReplyDelete

  117. hello am mary and am 40years old , when i was 25 i had lost one of my
    fallopian tube and i have had 2 miscarriage before in the past and i keep
    on trying but there was no luck on my side since then, at times me and my
    husband will do it all day but steel no luck until i saw some testimonies
    ONLINE by other women having semilar case and i decided to contact ODUMA OF
    SPELL ODUMA TEMPLE and pour out my sorrow and pain ON MY MAIL I SENT
    ,ODUMA did do purification and told me the source of my problem that it was
    work of dark witch craft that somebody put on me ( MY EX BOYFRIEND) that i
    will never find joy in my marriage, to cut the story short ODUMA did cast
    the cleanse spell to remove the dark magic and then immediately the very
    next month i got pregnant and praise ODUMA and god i delivered safely baby
    twins , if you passing through similar problem i urge you to contact
    Prophet ODUMA on email odumaspelltemple0@gmail.com OR call him
    +237055176617 .

    ReplyDelete
  118. Are you need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant?
    contact Priest Onome on this email (priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com) have been trying for years to get pregnant but it did not work for me, so i needed help, i have been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this Africa man call Priest Onome, who help her get pregnant, So I decided to contact this man Priest Onome on his email (priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com) after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant please contact his email address: priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com, I am now a mother of twins.
    He will also do it for you. THANKS

    ReplyDelete
  119. Are you need help to solve your infertility problem or to get pregnant?
    contact Priest Onome on this email (priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com) have been trying for years to get pregnant but it did not work for me, so i needed help, i have been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where else to turn. Until one day my friend introduce me to this Africa man call Priest Onome, who help her get pregnant, So I decided to contact this man Priest Onome on his email (priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com) after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant please contact his email address: priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com, I am now a mother of twins.
    He will also do it for you. THANKS

    ReplyDelete
  120. I feel so bad but so happy that I have finally found people who understand what it feels like to be in this situation. I am 21 so still very young and currently in my fifth week of my fourth pregnancy after three losses having to opt for a d&c each time as my body refuses to let go. The first at 6 weeks, the second turned out to be a molar which I only found out at my 12 week scan after I foolishly let myself get excited about my first scan (I knew something wasn't right no matter how many doctors told me there was no reason for me to worry!) which ended with over 6 months of bloodtests and monitoring before I was given an all clear, my third at 8 weeks after again doctors and midwife had tried to encourage me not to worry that everything was fine.. I have cried everyday since those two lines appeared already mourning for this child just waiting for my early scans to tell me its not growing and has no heartbeat which honestly won't come soon enough, everyday is an emotional battle trying to figure out how I'm going to afford to take time off work for a d&c in my new job or whether or not this one is molar in which case will it take more than half a year for my body to recover again? My husband is amazing he would be an amazing father and has always wanted children of his own, I feel like I am failing him as a wife I can not even give him one child. I struggle everyday passing mothers and children walking down the street, jealousy doesn't fully explain the heart wrenching feeling you get when so many people just effortlessly annouce at 5 weeks they are expecting their fourth child. I will never experience or even understand the excitement of seeing those two lines, I will never feel true joy being pregnant, pregnancy is agonising pain. Pregnancy has turned me into a hateful person and i don't actually think will stop until Im just blessed with just one healthy child.

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  121. My name is Mrs Anna Wilson,gave birth the first year of marriage and ever since the birth of my first child,i have not been able to conceive another after 4 years now. I went for various test and the Dr Doctors reports was that i can't give birth again,i was confused until one day when i saw a lady's testimony of how Dr Bosun helped her get pregnant and hers was even 8 years of marriage without a child and she got her result after contacting Dr Bosun.
    I didn't waste time at all,i contacted him and he told me every thing i should do,which i did and i got pregnant. I am a mother of 3 kids now and ever since then i have been recommending people to him and they are getting their result. contact him on:
    bosunherbalcenter@outlook.com or http://bosunherbalcenter.wix.com/herbs Tel: +2348035394535

    ReplyDelete
  122. I never thought that there will be a real and sincere herbal doctor till i came in contact with Dr Bosun who gave me the reason to believe to believe so.I was not able to conceive and almost led to breaking up of my marriage,but all thanks goes to Dr Bosun for his roots and herbs he gave me after contacting him,i become pregnant at the actual time he gave me and i am now a mother of two.
    Contact him for your wonderful testimony on: bosunherbalcenter@outlook.com or http://bosunherbalcenter.wix.com/herbs Tel: +2348035394535

    ReplyDelete
  123. I never thought that there will be a real and sincere herbal doctor till i came in contact with Dr Bosun who gave me the reason to believe to believe so.I was not able to conceive and almost led to breaking up of my marriage,but all thanks goes to Dr Bosun for his roots and herbs he gave me after contacting him,i become pregnant at the actual time he gave me and i am now a mother of two.
    Contact him for your wonderful testimony on: bosunherbalcenter@outlook.com or http://bosunherbalcenter.wix.com/herbs Tel: +2348035394535

    ReplyDelete
  124. My Name is Annie MacDonald...i turned 33 August 4th,my husband left me 3years ago when he

    impregnated the mistress just because i couldn't give birth.I search for help all over and

    there was no solution for my problem,until one faithful day when i read about the testimony of

    how this great man re unite a family that has been have issues for the pass 8 years and in the

    process,he gave the lady his herbs and that was how she got pregnant.
    I contacted him and told him every thing i am passing through and that was all,my man came back

    home and the sweetest of the testimony is that i am a mother..lol.All thanks goes to Dr Bosun

    for every thing he has done for me and i will ever be grateful to him.Contact him on:

    bosunherbalcenter@outlook.com or http://bosunherbalcenter.wix.com/herbs Tel or Whats-app Num:

    +2348035394535.

    ReplyDelete
  125. I am the most happiest creature on this planet earth because of the wondrous works of Dr Bosun Natural root and herbs,for making me conceive when all Doctors reports was that i can't conceive again because my Fallopian tube were blocked.
    I saw a testimony of a lady(Jane Weintz)on the internet,Who gave a brief story about how she got pregnant with the help of Dr Bosun natural root and herbs.i quickly contacted him and i got his natural root and herbs syrup,he gave me the instructions on how to use it.
    To my greatest surprise,i got pregnant the very date he told me and gave birth to twins.kindly contact him on:
    Tel: (+234) 803 539 4535
    Web: http://bosunherbalcenter.wix.com/herbs
    E-mail: bosunherbalcenter@outlook.com

    ReplyDelete
  126. My heart aches for those of you who have had miscarriages after healthy children, but please understand the pain suffered by women, like me, who have had 7 miscarriages (incl. 2 ectopics, 2 second trimester losses) and have NEVER held their child in their arms.

    am grieving and angry right now after my latest loss and honestly it hurts me to read women who have already been blessed with children putting themselves in the same group as women who have never known that joy. Please understand the incredible blessing you have by having even one living child.

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  127. i want to make this known to the entire world, i see many women complaining on not getting pregnant well let me tell you women on the best and safe method of get pregnant and deliver safely, i was 42 years old and i had been married since i was 22years I was not able to conceive my own child until i was browsing internet for a solution on how to get pregnant and i saw some comment of some women saying how they got pregnant that they contacted Odia Herbal Center and they got pregnant , i then decided to take a bold step because i was running out of time because i was already 42years old , i contacted Odia Herbal Center and Dr Odia did a pregnancy medicine for me and within two weeks of contacting him i took in i was pregnant and i gave birth to josh my son and now josh is doing very well and i also have a new born baby girl , my advice to other women is that you can contact Odia Herbal Center via email. odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com or whatsapp: +1(518)502-5386

    ReplyDelete
  128. i want to make this known to the entire world, i see many women complaining on not getting pregnant well let me tell you women on the best and safe method of get pregnant and deliver safely, i was 42 years old and i had been married since i was 22years I was not able to conceive my own child until i was browsing internet for a solution on how to get pregnant and i saw some comment of some women saying how they got pregnant that they contacted Odia Herbal Center and they got pregnant , i then decided to take a bold step because i was running out of time because i was already 42years old , i contacted Odia Herbal Center and Dr Odia did a pregnancy medicine for me and within two weeks of contacting him i took in i was pregnant and i gave birth to josh my son and now josh is doing very well and i also have a new born baby girl , my advice to other women is that you can contact Odia Herbal Center via email. odiaherbalcenter@yahoo.com or whatsapp: +1(518)502-5386

    ReplyDelete