Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Catholic perspective on miscarriage

Catholic columnist Leslie Sholly wrote a lovely piece about her own sad loss:

I’ve written so many times about the dangers of assuming we can plan and control our lives. We’ve never planned any pregnancy as deliberately as we did this one. I failed myself this time to remember that life is a gift and none of us is promised another day after today. Just yesterday we received the tragic news of an 18-year-old family member in Maryland who was killed by a drunken driver on his way home from senior week at the beach. He had just graduated from high school. His fate was certainly never part of his parents’ plans for him when they decided to conceive a second child.

For the moment we have no plan. As I heal physically and our family heals emotionally, we are praying to discern God’s plan regarding another member for our family. We both still want another one, but we’re scared. No one needs to tell us we should be grateful for our five healthy children. I was reminded of that just today, talking to a pharmacy tech at the drugstore who is afraid to have a baby because she doesn’t want to pass on the kidney disease she inherited. But it’s because of our five healthy children that we wanted another. Every child is different and adds something special and irreplaceable.

Sometimes I think I’d like the comfort of the belief some people have—that this baby’s soul is lurking somewhere and if we have another, that soul will still be born. But I know that isn’t true. That particular immortal soul will never come down to earth, and that makes me sad. I didn’t want an “angel” in heaven just yet but a baby on earth. Still, both John and I have been comforted by the thought that my grandmother, who died in January, is rocking our baby in heaven as she did the others when they were little, singing her special lullaby.

6 comments:

  1. Thanks for writing this blog! A subject no one not told us about when growing up, planning our princess weddings... I just came from this similar blog: http://wannababy1.blogspot.com/ I love that it is 2009 and women like you are so open about your feelings!!!

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  2. Oh, I was so meant to read this today. I just suffered a miscarriage in June and again 2 days ago. I too, have 5 healty children. I too, was told to focus on my children that are here.
    I understand that they are trying to help, but I need to focus on the two little ones I lost. They are also a part of my husband and I. We also wanted a baby to hold not a baby to mourn. I take great comfort though knowing that our Blessed Mother has our lovely little babies in heaven. Thanks for taking the time out to blog about such a painful experience. God bless and comfort you.

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  3. here is a blog about women health pregnancy and
    tubal reversal
    http://www.mybabydoc.com/blog/

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  4. Every woman has right to dream of having a baby. Miscarriage is a big loss for a mother. Tubal reversal allows a woman the ability to conceive naturally without any harm. Although tubal ligation is considered a permanent method of birth control.

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  5. I am currently expieriencing my 5th miscarriage. I also have 5 beautiful children here on earth. And now 5 of whom I will meet one day in heaven. I feel so sad and low to see blooming bellies popping up all around me. They are all due around the times of my 4th and 5th loss. One Mother also has 5 children here on earth and I ache for the joy we could've shared having our 6th babies together. I know this simply is not ment for me. I have my own special journey and the short lives of my children in heaven are beautiful. I just want to be able to feel them around me. I think it helps to share this. I wish I could share my saddness with my friends but most of them are expecting. I don't want to cause them the sorrow of my saddness because of their joy. I will try again. Hopefully this baby will pass well and my body will respond healthy and then soon I will begin another pregnancy waiting with hope.

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  6. I have had 8 miscarriages. I had 4 before my son was born the. 15 months later my daughter was born. Since then I've had 4 more. My last one being in may 2010. I have 4 sisters and they all have several children and never have any trouble. It's hard not to feel envious and to be happy for them when they have a new baby. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I'm blessed to have my 2 beautiful children and it's not that they aren't enough for me but I love all my children and it seems like no one else thinks of them as real children. They are all pro-life, but I think our culture numbs us to the reality of our unborn children's worth.

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